SUP!

Lolol we fail at updating.

In my defense it was Megan who made this blog and then barely posted in it.

Going to the gay bar in a town with a super high Hispanic population was the worst idea ever. Shirtless Mexicans dry humping = my poor, poor vagina.

Does your boyfriend have nipples like these?

Wow we suck at updating this.

Went to a really sick electronic festival last Saturday in El Paso, Texas. It was pretty sweet. We saw around 5 DJs and they were all pretty good. That Skrillex song, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites, follows me everywhere. Which is great. I was also quite popular which is always nice, probably because I was dancing as if I would die if I stopped, and I was dressed sort of slutty (it's hot as fuck in El Paso). But this candy kid couple gave me two of their shitty homemade plastic bead bracelets (they went to give one to Megan but the look on her face was fairly off putting). Then they told me I looked like Lady Gaga, which was fairly insulting because Lady Gaga is a fucking butterface.

We took some really top notch pictures

Just kidding, they suck.

And we literally danced without pause for hours. I only stopped to vomit. Even when I was super tired I just couldn't stop dancing. I'm not really sure why, I don't know what would cause me to dance in such excess......hmm. Ah well, mysteries of life.

This super slammed guy tried non stop to wheel Megan, and would not take no for an answer. He looked like 18 and was so fucking drunk. It went on for so long that I stepped in and said, "NO. She said NO you stupid fuck." Or something like that. I'm not usually one to step in, unless I'm really fucking drunk, if that says anything about how persistent this guy was.

We met this guy after the show, at around 2AM who had lost all his friends and was rolling for the first time. He had taken it roughly 45 minutes before the show had ended. He seemed nice enough and we let him walk with us but eventually had to cut him loose, since you can't really trust random guys you meet lurking around after shows. I truly do feel sorry for him though if he spent the rest of the night by himself, because he had a long night ahead of him.

Then we greyhounded it home the next day. The Greyhound was pretty sketchy there and back. On the way there the guy sitting in front of us was clearly fucked up. I thought he might be drunk but the guy behind us told Megan he was probably on oxy. He kept passing out in the middle of talking to us, just like slumping forward so that he was dangerously close to falling into the aisle.

Then we loafed around basically Sunday and Monday, I was pretty sick I think probably due to too much drinking. I've still got a cough actually, but I think it's because of my inability to stop smoking weed. But it's just so easy. Hey I'm going to a movie, maybe I'll smoke some weed. If I smoke a bit first this pizza will taste a lot better. Well I have this pop can and this bag of weed and I'm a little bored....I'm literally going to smoke a bowl after I finish this post.

And then school, blah blah boring, and then BASSNECTAR Wednesday! Megan and me got seperated for basically the entire show and my ID got rejected so I couldn't drink, but I just found an area and danced it out, and it was pretty sick. Bassnectar is a pretty big fucking deal to see, for me at least.

And now we're at the weekend again. Yesterday was great, we went to a party at the Aussies and everyone there, every single person (besides me and Megan, which is fairly strange) got loooooser drunk, which was pretty funny, but got a little annoying later on. There was a long conversation between three dudes about how much they fail at sex when they're drunk. Why do guys always talk about this when they're drunk? Mind you, these guys were trying to wheel us, or Megan at least. Someone should've let them know that, "When I'm drunk I get hard and then go soft and then hard again and just can't really keep it up" doesn't really cause girls to spread their legs.

The Beaver seems to have realized that we're fucking with him, and is now fucking with us back, which I 100% approve of. He ran up to me, LIFTED ME UP, while yelling, "CANADAAAA" and then put me down, said "You know, I was born in Canada." And sprinted away.

And then a few minutes later, came up to me and whispered in my ear, "I know you have a boyfriend but does he have nipples like these?" and then he pulled his shirt back to display a nipple and went, "Go on, touch them, touch them. Just touch one. Just do it." He repeated it until I gave in and went to really awkwardly poke one (how the fuck do you not awkwardly touch someones nipple?) to which he jerked away and said, "NO YOU CAN'T TOUCH MY NIPPLE." And ran away again, hahahaha. Yes. Yes. His nipples were also hairy as fuck so I can honestly say that yes, my boyfriend does have nipples like that. What up, now, Beaver?

Tonight we might be going to the gay bar, which I am so stoked for because I can fully get my gay on. There are a shit load of lesbians here and hopefully they like to party.

Also, holy shit this is long. Sorry about that.

liquor time

Walked out the front door and saw cop lights flashing... just another day in the ghetto.

The Beaver

I need to make a post about the Beaver. The Beaver is this Aussie who is so fucking good looking, that it's comical.
He is model hot, and every time me and Megan see him he is so fucking drunk that it prevents him from getting girls. This is saying something, because he should never have a problem getting laid. We saw him last night at this house party and just killed ourselves laughing every time he did anything.
We tried to get him to bench press me, and we tried to get him to take his shirt off, but we couldn't unfortunately. Not yet at least. Bu everything he did was just sooo funny. I feel like he isn't a real person. More likely a robot, a sex robot.
At one point he put his arms around us and said that he didn't work out, and that God had "blessed him with this body."

Like seriously. Are you fucking kidding me?

Ah fuck, I wish I could remember what else he did, but I was too fucking drunk.
Which reminds me, if you find a forty of vodka that is ten dollars, you should expect a massive hangover the next day. Fucking Christ.
Also, in order to feed my sick beard obsession and my love of getting guys to do borderline homosexual acts, I got two dudes to rub beards.



I know, I know, only one of them really has a beard, but I have to work with what I've got, god damn it.

I'm shit at titles

We've moved from crack hotel to a nice little house thing on the corner of Crack Street and Man Got Shot 17 Times Avenue.
I can sincerely say that I am not exaggerating when I say what a ghetto this place is. It's super hilarious, or at least it is until I inevitably get mugged, because then I'm going to be pissed. But currently the cheap rent is worth whatever hilarious shenanigans we put up with.
We walked past a sign yesterday that said something along the line of "Blah blah Tire Store Kikes"
And then "Kikes" was sort of painted over but you could still see it. It wasn't graffiti. Someone legit got a sign made that said "Kikes." The fuck is this shit.

Russell flew in Friday to surprise me, which apparently everyone ever knew was happening but me. So he just showed up at the bar I was at and blew my mind out of my skull. +1000 points for Russell. If I hadn't been so shocked I probably would've got on my knees and blown him right there.
So that was a solid weekend of drinking and fucking....around. Russell got classic Russell'd and it was just great. Especially because he was wearing a tank top and bowling shoes most of the time.

Time for sleep, drunk Russell.

My birthday wasn't crazy exciting mostly because my "ID" says my birthday is in May, so I couldn't go around being like, "Oh my God I'm twenty! Shots! Lets do shots!" But drinks are so cheap here I don't even need to try and get people to buy me them. I am going full alcoholic, and it's beautiful.

I wrote this when we didn't have internet

We moved into the apartment today, and yeah, this is a prettyyyy ghetto area. There is a drive-thru liquor store and three black dudes selling barbeque turkey legs out of a van on the sidewalk like two blocks from our place. I also saw a woman riding a bike with her kid in the basket. There are literally like nine churches within three blocks of here.

BUT the barbeque turkey guys seem really nice, and some random lady waved at me from her house. There seems to be a lot of really fucking crazy people here (like the guy with the cane who asked me and Lindsay if we spoke Spanish and started crying when we said we didn’t, then started laughing maniacally) but there are even more people who are incredibly friendly.

Someone from the New Mexico Gas Company was supposed to come turn on the gas today, but he didn’t show up, so now we’ll have to shower in semi-warm water (thank God it’s like 35 degrees outside) until that gets taken care of. It’s not a total loss, though, because I can definitely use several cold showers due to living around THRONGS of Hispanic dudes who I can’t bang because they’re probably in gangs and I promised everyone I’d be careful.